Kissing is something we often take for granted, at least as adults. After you’ve moved past the early teen years where it was a huge deal, it almost seems like the least of your dating life concerns. But let's be real: you can always improve upon the art of lip-locking. We asked Andréa Demirjian, author of KISSING – Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About One of Life’s Sweetest Pleasures, about what everyone needs to know about smashing your lips together.
The First Kiss Doesn't Need to Be Fancy
While your first instinct might be to pull out all the stops and impress your partner with some cherry-stem-knotting kisses, remember that the first kiss is actually more about what you don't show them. You want to draw them in enough so that they come back for more. "The first kiss is really key as it’s pretty much signals ‘green’ or ‘red’ for pursuing romance,” says Demirjian. “While you may not be judged so much on fancy technique — sometimes the kiss is brief — you do want that first to be pleasant enough to guarantee another.”
Demirjian suggests sticking to healthy oral hygiene routines: “Flossing and brushing keeps bacteria at bay, drinking plenty of water helps with general mouth health, and moisturizing your lips ensures they’re not chapped and rough. "Don't forget," she adds: "kissing is so much about the sensory experience — taste, smell, touch — so make sure you don’t get dinged on a technicality like dodgy breath or snaggy lips.”
Remember that kissing is also important for your pleasure. “The lips are incredibly arousing as they house a network of infinite nerve endings," Demirjian explains. "The second they feel a sensation, a zaa-zaa-zoo zings straight to the brain on a fiber optic super highway at lighting fast speed that tells our ‘dirty dancing’ chemicals and hormones to hustle that blood rush to all our sexy regions.”
While Kissing Preferences Are Different for Everyone, There Are Some General “Dos”
Paying attention to body language is obviously important. Eye contact, flirting, and physical contact are all signs someone is interested. But when it comes to deciphering how you should kiss, Demirjian says it’s best to read the energy — not just of who you’re about to kiss, but also of the environment.
“Are you having quiet chat and chill in corner restaurant booth? Or dancing out-loud at an epic party? Depending on the volume, that first move could be soft and sweet where you might just gently take their chin in your hand, lean in and caress their lips,” she says. “Or it can be totally robust and enthusiastic, where you pull someone in at the waist and give a very full, juicy, playful kiss. Read the mood of your intended and the surroundings, and trust your instincts.”
And Some Very Important “Don’ts”
Again, there are so many factors and personal preferences involved, it’s impossible to offer a definitive checklist on what people like and don’t like. But there are three things Demirjian recommends avoiding, at least when you first lean in:
1. Don’t go in too fast or forcefully. “Kissing should be enjoyed and savored, says Demirjian. “And those first moments should be more of a hint of what’s to come.”
2. Don’t lead with tongue. “Tongue should be introduced slowly,” Demirjian recommends. When you do add in that tongue, remember to keep it supple and relaxed. “Too often people use their tongue either like a hockey stick (stiff and hard) or a dog (sloppy and wet). Exercise a little control, and be mindful that the tongue is a very strong muscle not to be bandied about.”
3. Don’t think of kissing only as a means to sex. “A long, languorous smooching session can do your body good. It lowers blood pressure, boosts happy feel-good chemicals, relieves stress and aches, and burns calories. Enjoy the intimacy, pleasure and fun of it.”
Have Fun Experimenting With Rhythm
Kissing isn’t dancing. While you might like being the aggressor or having someone take charge, you don’t need to have anyone lead. “With some couples, there is a driver and a passenger that rides along. Then there are couples who take turns driving,” says Demirjian. “If both are enthusiastic, they could trade off …but it can also be playful to wrestle for alpha position.”
Spread the Love
While making out is great, and there are some other very obvious things you can do with your lips, there are plenty of places to kiss that aren’t necessarily intuitive. There's no reason to keep your kisses to just the lips. “Other erogenous zones typically include the neck and ears,” Demirjian explains.
Plus, a person will likely have their own special hot spots ripe for the kissing. “For some, it can be a nibble on the hip bone. For others, some flicks and licks in that space between the belly button and bathing suit/bikini line. You just may have to spend time exploring to find them.”
Frank Kobola
